What I am talking about is in terms of recognition, and it is long overdue—even if I have to say so myself! For I have been well aware of my importance since before I can remember when, but now that I have been given the power to determine what programming the rest of you will see on television, the time has come for you to realize just how special it is to have met my acquaintance.
What was that? Could I have heard some mumblings? Well, it is a good thing that I have decided to be a benevolent ruler of the airways, and there is not a doubt in my mind that this was one of the reasons for why [Nielsen] chose me to choose what shows everyone else will be watching.
No, I am not the only one living under this roof. For my wife and her mother also claim this address as their abode.
Yes, they were also asked to fill out a survey/programming diary, but it was my name on the packet that we received in the mail. Besides, as far as I am concerned, my opinion is the only one that counts—anyway!
Be assured that it turned-out to be quite a chore. For we like to record as much as possible on the [DVR] so that we can zip through most of the commercials, and this is taken into account in the daily diary that was provided for each of the three television sets that we have here. Nonetheless, the hard part came from having to keep track of just when each show that we watched was actually recorded.
No, it shouldn’t have been all that hard. For the information about when it was recorded is included with the information about the show, but when you have had to live your entire life around lesser beings, some of their inadequacies are bound to rub-off.
Well, at least the programming diary for our television in the living room made it clear that one of my endearing qualities is how humble I truly am. For it showed that nothing else but science fiction and sports was watched when I was by myself, and almost everything else but science fiction and sports was watched when my wife and her mother were enjoying my company.
Yes, the height of my tolerance really is breathtaking. For what does the [CBS Early Show], [George Lopez], [King of the Hill], [Animal Cops], [The Young and the Restless], [The Bold and the Beautiful], [Judge Joe] and [Judge Judy] have in comparison to [Star Trek: The Next Generation], [Star Trek: Enterprise], [Stargate SG-1], [Stargate Atlantis], [Stargate Universe], [The Dan Patrick Show] and football (NOT SOCCER!!!)?
Oh, but I am not finished. For both my wife and her mother have the memory spans of a premature [ga-nat]. Therefore, they never see a repeat, and they are both absolutely thrilled to watch episodes of [Two and a Half Men] over and over again.
No, as a matter of fact, I am not worried. For neither one ever visit this site.
Furthermore, I am about to mention something good about them. For my mother-in-law usually retires to her bedroom around 7 PM every night to watch whatever movie is being played on the [Hallmark Channel], and then my wife and I settle down to watch such things as [House], [Fringe], [Hell’s Kitchen], [NCIS], [NCIS: Los Angeles], [The Good Wife], [The Big Bang Theory], [Mike & Molly], [The First 48], [CSI], [Chopped], [Iron Chef America], [Rubicon], [Sons of Anarchy], [Terriers] and [Blue Bloods].
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I realize that the cooking shows go against my manly manliness, but such sacrifices are necessary in order to maintain a sense of civility in our household. After all, public floggings of wives are no longer an acceptable practice—not even in these parts, and private knock-down drag-outs can get really messy.
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